I had to reinvent myself professionally.

• I tried to create a business out of my active living outdoor lifestyle. Fast. I learned that monetizing anything takes time. I learned that monetizing your lifestyle within unrealistic timeframes may very well fuck up your lifestyle. It was hard for me to give it the time it needed. I also learned that founders have co-founders for a reason. It was hard for me to do it alone. But I am incredibly proud of the three Food Circles and the Plus One Camp we managed to put together. Thank you boyfriend and Svetla for all the support! That was a lot of fun and a lot of learning. If nothing else, I learned that we do need an offline community to belong to. I also learned that I do love getting people together and I look forward to organizing more events for my closest people.
• I tried freelance business/growth/strategy consulting for the flexibility and (location) independence. I learned that I need to create a meaningful impact through my work. I learned this requires long-term commitment, rather than a one-off campaign/workshop/training that often was the case through independent consulting. I also learned that I didn't enjoy consulting with just any company. I wanted to work with – founder run, independent scale ups with small teams. Just when I was considering full-time employment again, I was contacted by a small, founder-run scale up for a long-term project that not only had the potential for meaningful impact, but also allowed me to work as a contractor. I think I go pretty lucky! Somehow, I managed to combine the best of both (employment vs freelance) worlds – something I never thought was possible.

I had a bunch of firsts. 

• I took my first ever tennis lesson and was immediately hooked. So much so that both me and Kiro now train with the craziest, funniest tennis coach twice per week! Tennis by far is the hardest, most physically and mentally challenging sports I've ever tried. The boyfriend deserves massive thanks both for keeping up with me when I was in my tennis lows and lightning so much love for the game in me. I can't wait for Sofia Open and Mutua Madrid Open – the first ATP tournaments that we'll see live.
• I did my first ever 4-day mountain trek. I loved it so much that two others (2, 3) quickly followed. Turning off your phone for 4 days straight was the longest I've been disconnected and it was absolutely amazing. The mountain is pure happiness, trekking is the best meditation. Thank you, Alek, for showing us the mountains and being the best guide we could hope for. Just one quick favor – can we get lost a bit less this year? At least skip the accidental detours?
• I did my first ever velo tour crossing borders of 3 countries: Bulgaria, Greece and Macedonia. We cycled 200km for 2 days. It came with sunburn, butt pain and lots of laughs.
• I did my first ever mobile photography weekend on wheels where I learned how to tell photo stories (1, 2) and take portraits. Photography is therapy. Thank you, Vera, for showing us this world and teaching us to tell better stories and use our phones for good. Side note, our particular weekend made it to the Atlantic! Way to go, Vera!
• I tried wakeboarding! I only did it once, but I know I'll be doing more of it. One thing I learned – your teacher can make all the difference. And oh how lucky I was to be trained by a professional wakeboard instructor and a fellow marketer! Thanks Ian for the great lessons.

I made a (couple of) dreams come true.

• We did a 2-week snowboarding roadtrip through Slovenia, Italy and France. It was not only amazing, but I also improved my riding a lot - mastered the button lift, my stance is much better and I almost landed a 180. Mileage matters. Practice makes perfect.
• We lived on an island and surfed every day for almost a month! Besides the everyday surfing part and improving our riding (yay, I planed my board and mastered the harness!), we met a ton of amazing people, some of which we now call friends. Thank you for the adventure, Siroko Wind Club, Sashe, Alex, Mitko, Bube! Limnos is forever in our hearts and we can't wait to be back.
• We saw the Arctic Monkeys live in Athens. As if that wasn't enough, we almost got a private concert by Miles Kane. Also, I think we're a bit too old for festivals now. Or maybe the AM crowd is a bit too much 15-year old!

I had to accept death and move on. 

• I lost my brother to a suicide after several years of fighting a borderline identity disorder. I had dedicated a good chunk of my life to help him any way possible I knew. Accepting that someone else’s life is not in your control and that you can’t really make the changes they need to make is hard. Trying to enjoy your firsts or reinvent yourself while all of this is happening is especially bitter-sweet. Accepting death is hard. But in the end of the day, there’s little you can do – you can either move on, or slide yourself on a downward spiral of self-pity and remorse. I choose to move on. 

I choose to move on because life is good. Every now and then, I pinch myself to remind myself how lucky I am. I am healthy, I do meaningful work, I have the flexibility to work whenever, wherever and however I want, I can afford to follow my passions around the world and try new ones, I have a handful of good friends I can trust.

But most of all — I have the most amazing person to support me in the lows and cheer with me in the highs. Thank you for being the boyfriend, Boyfriend!

Dear 2019, I look forward to living you with my heart full and my eyes open.

Featured image by Missy Meyer on Unsplash

The post Dear 2018 appeared first on Tina Kesova.

You were a bit too quick to leave, so I couldn't say a proper goodbye. I'm writing here instead.

I know I wasn't always the best sister in the world and you probably have a hundred and one reasons not to like me. I didn't like you all the time either. But I hope you trust that I've always wanted the best for you and always had my best intention to help in the best possible way I could at the time. Always!

It's probably hard for you to believe, but I learned a lot from you — acceptance, patience, trust. You taught me that change comes from within; you taught me to take better care of myself; you taught me not to worry about things that don't matter; you taught me that the only thing that truly matters is pure and unconditional love for our closest ones. For all the lessons, I thank you!

I know you were often deeply saddened and lonely. I also know that if you had stayed here, you wouldn't be happy. So, however hard it is that you will no longer be around, I know that you'll be better off where you're going. People tell me they don't understand your final decision. Whether it was the voices in your head or you consciously made that decision, I understand it. I understand YOU. And I am happy for you, really happy because I know that you've finally found peace.

Say hi to mom from me and good luck out there.

Rest in peace, kiddo! Forever 27 in my heart.

Hugs,

Sister

The post To my brother appeared first on Tina Kesova.

The existing "Everything I learned about everything"post format is too unorganized for my taste, so I am dividing the content in a few sections as an experiment. Feedback is always welcome!

Life

On client work, side projects, friend, family and other personal stuff.

• I wasn't good on the button lift (see bullet #6 here). After several falls and hikes up the slope, the last time I -ed, I did pretty much a full day without any falls and I was getting very confident on the button. Read this as, I wasn't focused 100% on the lift ride itself, balancing my legs and maintaining my posture so that I don't fall.  Instead, I would look around, try to play with my phone while on the lift and generally distract myself. Then I fell bad. Oh well, no matter how confident you are at the button lift, remain on focus. I guess that's also quite valid for pretty much anything else you do and especially in business. It's easy to get distracted and it's easy to forget where you started from. Stay focused. Stay humble.
• As part of a field research for one still unannounced side project, me, Svetla and Kiro are visiting various gyms and group workout activities. Last week we visited one particular gym and we unanimously had the worst experience ever. The experience itself is a subject of a totally separate post, so I won't go into details, but to imagine how bad it was, I'll just mention this: The coach of the group told Kiro to take off his buff as it was disrespectful to the group to exercise with a buff on your head. All this while she was sitting on a chair in the far end of the hall, arms crossed, clicking and double clicking on her computer, while she was supposedly leading the workout. I was very pissed off, and pretty close to just leaving the workout in the midst of it all. Somehow I managed to pull myself together, suck in my ego and stay till the end. And then, while I was pushing myself not to punch her in the face, I had an idea. The routine itself gave me a pretty nice business idea on management training while exercising. It turns out even the most frustrating experience can give you ideas! So embrace them.

Business

On product design, innovation, people management, branding, marketing, and more.

• I’ve been doing a lot of user research lately and this comprehensive guide has been super helpful.
• 100 trend predictions for 2018 according to Pinterest users search and save patterns. I found this article pretty good for idea generation!
• Lessons learned from running a remote design sprint. I might need to run a remote design sprint for a client, so this came quite useful.
• Topic maps for user interviews, instead of a structured questionnaire. I haven't done topic maps, but I do agree that questionnaires can be too rigid and hard to navigate. I'll definitely try them out with my next interviews.
• Best books for new, first-time managers. I'm glad to see some of my personal favorite books on the list. Also, still a lot to read.
• Some great ideas on onboarding new team members in a fast-growing team from MailChimp.
• A very insightful article on the Net Promoter Score, and why is might not really help businesses grow or learn how loyal their customers are.

Mind

On productivity, creativity, meaning, and more.

• The power of talking walks.
• What self-awareness really is and how to cultivate it.

Everything Else

Well that's pretty straightforward, isn't it?

• The latest & most popular color palettes trending on Dribbble right now. I'll definitely refer to it when I need color palettes inspiration.
• I want to snowboard in this much powder.
• And wear these gloves.

The post Everything I Learned About Everything This Week [Jan 1-Jan 13] appeared first on Tina Kesova.

I Finally Started to Let Go

• I let go of the place I called home which I built with so much energy, passion and love. Selling your home is not easy, but then again - there's way more meaningful things to get attached to. Concrete walls is definitely not one of them.
• I also let go of the job I've been super passionate about for more than 10 years. Leaving people I call friends was not an easy decision to make, but I am glad that I singed up for the change. I am even more glad that those friends are still friends. Some of them even closer ones. Change is hard, but good.
• I let go of the control over my brother's life and illness and just accepted that whatever needs to happen will happen. I learned to prepare for the worst and accept it.

I Learned That Finding Your Why Takes Time & Patience 

• When I left SiteGround, I didn't really know what I wanted to do next. I was secretly hoping that the next thing would somehow miraculously appear to me soon. Very soon. Well, that didn't happen. At one point I realized that I was going on a self-searching journey which was going to take a bit more time. This was one of the biggest tests for my patience, or the lack of such thereof. I am glad that I managed to remain with an open mind, allow myself the time to experiment, work on different ideas, client projects, friend's projects, side projects and embrace the learning. In the end, you somehow connect all the dots. I connected mine and am quite excited on what's going to come next. More on that in 2018.

I Challenged My Fears and Beliefs

• I've been afraid of the mountain, the heights and hated the cold. This year I learned to snowboard. And I love it.
• I've been terrified from the deep blue after 3 serious (unintentional) drowning attempts. I learned to windsurf and did kayaking. And I love it.
• I've always thought that I am not that kind of spiritual person and I could never rest my restless mind. This year I started practicing yoga and meditation. And I love it.
• I've always thought that working out consistently isn't possible, although I've been doing strength and conditioning workouts for more than 7 years now on and off. This year is the first time I've been exercising 3+ times a week, for 6 months now, without any breaks. The secret - I said yes to coaching my incredible friend and ex-colleague Svetla on her weight loss journey and she has been an amazing motivation for me to keep going.
• I've always thought that I would never be able to do pull-ups. This year I learned to do 1 clean, slow and controlled pull up. And 3 series of 5 negative pull ups.
• I've always felt as if I wasn't cool enough to attend those cool, hip festivals. This year I attended 4.
• I've always over-planned and overthought things - projects, goals, tasks, everything. This year I started 3 new side projects, pretty much spontaneously. No planning, no research. 1, 2, 3.

Dear 2017, this is all great, but none of it would happen, if it wasn't for the most amazing person that I met. And that's what I would like to thank you for the most!

The post Dear 2017 appeared first on Tina Kesova.

• One of the world’s most powerful designs certainly is the Rainbow Flag. Designed by artist and LGBTQ activist Gilbert Baker, it has gained fame in LGBTQ activities and protests all around the globe. To honor Baker who passed away in March this year, New Fest and NYC Pride partnered up with Fontself to create a free font inspired by the design language of the flag. Its name: Gilbert.
• Man on the Moon reminded me that we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously. Ever.
• When someone pisses you off or utterly frustrates you, you want to call, break, shout, scold, argue... immediately. But don't. Thinking about why they made you mad in the first place, sleeping over it, pausing for a moment is what really helps bring constructive feedback. Constructive feedback and the right tone and choice of words is what actually make a change. That's what I did the last time my father did exactly the opposite to what I told him and it definitely helped.
• One doesn't simply forget how to snowboard.  I was super nervous before my first ride for the season and thought I had forgotten everything from the past season. Not only I hadn't, but on my first day, I managed to do some basic switch riding. Yay for staying in good shape during the off season and for muscle memory! 
• Related to the above → starting a side project based on your hobbies is easy and inspiring.
• I don't particularly like the button lift, it's pretty sucky for snowboarders. I've been consciously avoiding it the previous season. The other day on the slope though, no other lift was available. So I had no choice. I fell twice and then mastered it. Constraints help us improve. Embrace them.
• I love organizing events and I have a particularly obsessive planning approach, most of the time preferring to do everything myself. Last week I organized a holiday get together for my friends and decided to experiment with a slightly different approach: do the bare minimum for the organization (one call to book a space), involve others and give them creative freedom (Kiro with music, Svetla with workshops, I didn't ask or check in with any of them on progress or what they were actually preparing), involve guests (asked everyone to bring their own food and drinks). I had no particular plans on decoration, venue setup and all that jazz. It all happened on the spot. We just showed up an hour earlier. Lessons: letting go, experimenting and trusting people do magic; the more connected we are, the more disconnected we get: intentional community is needed. I will nurture mine.
• Related to the above → I don't have a single picture from our first event. Experiences, my friend, not pictures is what truly matters.
• For the first time in my conscious life I woke up on December 31st without a plan for the new year's eve. A Facebook status and an hour later, I had a plan with friends. Everything works out in the best possible way in the end. So relax already!

The post Everything I Learned About Everything This Week [Dec 18-Dec 31] appeared first on Tina Kesova.

• I've been feeling pretty balanced, strong and in harmony for the last couple of months. Mostly because of less work stress, regular exercise, good sleep and good food. So balanced, that I thought I am unbreakable. Very wrong. I am very breakable. In fact, everybody is. I broke this week. Also, insomnia sucks big time. In the midst of a breakdown, we often wonder whether we have gone mad. We have not.  Having a breakdown is important.
• I thought that I had learned how to pace myself, how not to push myself too hard, to hurry slowly, to not really have expectations, to let go. While I might have achieved something in the work/friends/relationship context, I definitely failed when it came to my brother situation. I pushed myself too hard, I pushed himself too hard and I had way too high expectations for both myself and himself. People walk their own path, at their own pace. I can’t make them do the things I think are right for them, I only have the choice to help them do the things they feel are right for them.  No matter how much I disagree with the path they've chosen, I should let them walk their way. Otherwise, I break.
• When you feel down, giving a random person a smile instead of bitching for them being way too slow at the cash desk, actually makes you feel good. And them too. Good attitude doesn't cost a penny.
• I find it surprisingly easy to tell other people how to start small, but incredibly hard to see how to do it for my own projects. I learned that's because 1) I focus too much on the big long-term picture and because 2) I discuss my projects with a limited amount of people, very often on my own. Thinking short term and inviting more smart people to the table helps.
• The best parties I've had for the past 10 years, have been SiteGround parties. Because I've partied with some of my closest friends. A lot of my closest friends still work at SiteGround. I didn't attend the SiteGround end of the year party this year, and I missed it. I missed partying with some of my closest friends.
• The line between the marketing, product development, business development and design professionals are blurring. 2018 will be an interesting year for design.

The post Everything I Learned About Everything This Week [Dec 13-Dec 17] appeared first on Tina Kesova.

• We're throwing away nearly 50% of our food in the trash. Also, it's totally possible to  quit grocery shopping cold turkey and survive only on foods that would otherwise be thrown away.  This, plus more interesting stories in Just Eat It movie. Highly recommended.
• The pursuit of happiness is useless. Also, my fear of rats is a little bit smaller.  Thanks, K for sharing this brilliant, brilliant movie.
• "If I tell you that you can only do one single thing from now on till the end of your life, what would you choose to do?". This one single question and how you answer it can change the way you think about your purpose in life. I was lucky enough to have the right person at the right time and place ask me that question. What was more surprising to this was my answer and how fast and straightforward it just came out of me without even thinking. Thank you life for meeting me with the right people at the right time.
• Doing customer interviews is probably one of the best things you can do for your business. The insights you get are totally invaluable and an amazing opportunity to adjust your clock to who you're building (products/services/whatever) for. Research and empathy FTW.
• Self pity will take you down the rabbit hole. When life gives you lemons, instead of asking "Why me?", ask "OK life, what are you trying to teach me?" This is how I chose to think about all the recent difficult challenges I am facing. This not only helps me go through the shitstorm, but truly learn. And I learned that life is trying to teach me patience & trust every single day.
• Also, life has particularly interesting ways to teach you patience and trust. For example - learned that the hard way, in a single day. That day when I had to let go of the control over my brother to his social assistant who was otherwise late for our meeting with her.
• Some days start really bad. You almost feel like they'll never end well. But in the end - they do end well. And it's totally OK to dance and sing on the street when it all ends well. Fuckin never lose hope. Everything's going to be alright.

The post Everything I Learned About Everything This Week [Dec 4-Dec 12] appeared first on Tina Kesova.

• When someone tells you don't fall in love with your first idea, this assumes it's OK to fall in love with your 2nd one. Which is not true, I find. My advise is don't fall in love with your 2nd idea either and keep asking why.
• What you learn while you develop your first, 2nd, 3rd, etc idea is absolutely priceless and will very likely help you for your 4th idea.
• If you're reluctant to put your own money in your big idea, it's probably not your big idea. Keep searching.
• Working as a freelance business consultant can be OK for me if 1) my client has a team I can work with and 2) I enjoy working with this team, i.e learn something from them and we share a common vision. If 1 or 2 are not present, there's no one to challenge my own ideas and assumptions. And this sucks.
• Everything is a matter of viewpoint and mindset. If you see things as really bad, they probably will turn out pretty bad. For example - my brother is at the psychiatry for the 4th time in the last ~3 years and I felt pretty doomed and helpless when that happened. But it's not indeed that bad - he's willing to take his medicine and he's now aware he has a problem. This was not always the case. So see, it actually was worse before. We now have an improvement. I choose to see the improvement part, not the part that he's at the hospital again. Things are just as good or bad as you see them.
• I don't know how to be empathetic to people who have a problem, are educated about the possible solutions, but don't do anything about solving it.
• Dessert is a bitch. It tempts you to eat it right after you main meal, but if you resist that temptation for not more than 5 minutes, you're most of the time totally OK without it.
• Shoo. I really didn't know that word before. Thanks, K for teaching me to shoo my thoughts before going to sleep.
• Saying "no" is fucking hard. I had a good opportunity that would let me learn quite some new things but otherwise keep me in the good old circle. I want to move on and make room for new things. The only way to do it is to say no. I said no. I am pretty proud.
• Something seemingly as simple as "I just call to say that I am there for you" means everything. Sometimes people don't have to even say it. You feel it. I am thankful for having people like this around me. I am thankful for being able to wholeheartedly say this to people around me.
• You have to bring a hard copy of your recent headshot to a physical Sofia Urban Mobility Center office in order to issue a subway subscription card. The last time I kept a hard copy of my headshot was 7 years ago. My country is quite far from digital.
• Sometimes people call me for advise. I tell them my opinion, then they do the exact opposite thing, or simply not follow through. You see they'll fail. And at one point, they do. Then we talk and they say: you were right, I learned my lesson. And they tell you what they learned. And you realize it's the wrong lesson. And then you realize that there are no right and wrong lessons. It's just that people learn in a different way, at a different pace.
• Bansko is the Bulgarian Las Vegas, as learned in the otherwise amazing and inspiring movie In Gora, produced by sustainable snowboarding brand Picture. I haven't visited Bansko for at least 6 years and I think I've made a good choice.

The post Everything I Learned About Everything This Week [Nov 27-Dec 3] appeared first on Tina Kesova.

• No matter how prepared you are for the worst that can happen and you have accepted it and expect it, it is still super challenging to handle it when it happens. It's OK to cry when it happens too, but it's even more important to breathe. Thank you, yoga practice.
• Dealing with someone who has mental health issues is the biggest crash course in empathy and patience. I am still quite impatient, but much better than before. Well done me.
• I can't and shouldn't fix everything myself. Asking for help is perfectly OK. I have the best friends.
• No matter how much people screwed up in the past and you scratched them off from your friends list, and maybe even hate them a little bit, they are still human and willing to help. Sometimes help comes from the places you least expect. I still have faith in humanity.
• When shit hits the fan, sit down, make a list of things you need to do and re-arange/re-prioritize your to-do putting the newly created tasks based on the newly crated shit on top. Then move at least 50% of the things you scheduled for today for tomorrow. Then refuse that phone call that can totally go without you. I still put too much on my plate.
• The biggest threat when we're in the (winter) mountain is ourselves -- our poor judgement (recklessness should I say) and lack of preparation. I still have a lot to learn before I go off-piste. I should take an avalanche course. Thanks LineSickers.
• Getting feedback from diverse group of people is one of the best things you can do for your passion project. Sending them friendly reminders to send you that feedback is also perfectly fine.
• There are people who professionally take care of other people to help them achieve a fulfilled and satisfied state in life through the use of "purposeful activity or interventions designed to achieve functional outcomes which promote health, prevent injury or disability and which develop, improve, sustain or restore the highest possible level of independence".  They are called occupational therapists. I should find one for my brother.
• I enjoy using the public transport. It's fun and Moovit works perfectly in Sofia.
• Unless I take care of myself first, I can't help others. So don't skip that yoga practice or condition workout.

The post Everything I Learned About Everything This Week [Nov 20-26] appeared first on Tina Kesova.

I have decided to leave SiteGround and today was my last official working day with the company. While I was telling my colleagues the news, many of them asked me why and what’s next. I’ve decided to write this post and hopefully answer these questions for people I couldn’t talk to in person, or didn’t have time to chat about everything.

So why?

About a year ago I started feeling like I needed a break and a change of scenery without really knowing why. I noticed that I didn’t wake up with the same energy and enthusiasm for work as before. Those of you who know-know me, know that when I’m into something, I am 110% into it. At one point I realized this was no longer the case. When that’s not the case, I just don’t feel comfortable with myself.

On the other hand, SiteGround is an incredibly comfortable place, and a very special one - awesome humans, great professionals, exciting challenges, tons of new learning. Despite all that, after almost 11 years with the company, the challenges no longer felt as exciting, and nothing really was surprising me anymore. I realized I was in a serious comfort zone. A comfort zone in which I wasn’t comfortable with myself.

About that same time, I went through a break up in my personal life. This change looked incredibly scary, but soon I found it was the better thing that could happen to both of us. We were happier soon after. Upon reflection, I also realized that the break up was largely due to putting ourselves and our relationship in a serious comfort zone.

This personal experience taught me that we humans are great at putting ourselves in comfort zones and breaking them is incredibly hard. Hard, but probably the best thing we can do to ourselves. After several months of debating what exactly happens without SiteGround (I still don’t know), I finally decided to make the move. I spoke to our management team who were incredibly supportive and understanding, we planned the transition, worked on it for a couple of months, and I am glad that today I leave SiteGround in the best possible way.

What’s next?

A few months of vacation and then I will figure out the rest. I have no immediate plans for starting a new job and will explore the opportunity of either business consulting/contract work on my own, or I will dig deeper into an idea I’ve always been passionate about. I remain available for interesting challenges, so if you have something in mind, hit me up. Just keep in mind that I will probably respond after June 20th as I will be mostly away from the Internets until then.

Me and a couple of close SiteGround (surprised?) friends are heading to a music festival in Barcelona and then I’m volunteering at another festival here in Bulgaria. SiteGround people were also hugely awesome to invite me as a guest of honor to our annual company teambuilding, which this year is going to be a private music festival on the Bulgarian seaside (following last year's success with the Open Air Mountain edition) and is right after the festival I’ll be volunteering at! So, my time off is starting with a good festival spree and I can’t be more excited about it.

One more thing…

SiteGround is where I grew up (literally), SiteGround is where my friends are, SiteGround taught me everything I know and can today. SiteGround feels like my company, SiteGround is family. I feel deep respect for the people there and I will miss it a lot - to me, it’s still the best place one could be at. I will be forever thankful to each and every one I’ve worked with for everything they’ve taught me, for the patience, guidance, sharing and support - both personally and professionally. I am confident in SiteGround’s leadership and vision and am sure that it will continue to be the awesome company it is today.

With that in mind, we (yes, we, it will likely always be we!) are hiring and look for fantastic people to join the growing marketing team. Check out the open positions and if you see yourself in one of them, or know someone who will fit, don’t hesitate to apply and spread the word!

Front and featured image via. 

The post SiteGround, I’ll miss you! appeared first on Tina Kesova.